You Never Because....When there are no excuses left....

Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.
Norman Mailer 


It has been so long since I've made a blog post that I can't even figure out how to change my job title in the admin settings, which leads me to my disclaimer, ahem:

This blog is in no way affiliated with ActionCOACH or ActionCOACH Spokane or any of its subsidiaries, monasteries, or any other word ending in "ies."

I'm only writing this blog post because I ran out of excuses.

Let me explain.

First, let me insert disclaimer number two, ahem:

I'm rusty at writing. My literary tendons are tight.

Moving on.

As I was saying, I'm only writing this because I ran out of excuses. I actually looked my therapist in the eye and said tonight, "I'm too depressed to write."

He countered back with "Ernest Hemingway committed suicide."

Touche'.

Saying I'm too depressed to write is like saying I'm too sad to be a poet or I'm too thin to be a ballerina...or too fat to be a sumo wrestler. You insert your own witty little line. Point being, I have no excuse not to write, even if I don't exactly have a point at the moment.

You could say that I'm writing to hear myself type. (get it? do you?)

This blog started out as a motivational communication tool. Turns out I'm not that motivated and my recent life experiences haven't been all that positive. This last year, my life has felt like a house of cards and all I've been doing is playing 52-card pick up.

I'm at ground zero folks. Time to rebuild.

Time to get inspired. Time to live a little. So, this blog post is me, peeking around the corner from obscurity after a second nervous breakdown. Literary physical therapy. Trying to get back in the game.

This was step one. Stay tuned...

TRAPPED IN SWEATPANTS: Erase these two words from your vocabulary.....

Medical Lake's Next Top Model: Only models five feet and under need apply!

This post is dedicated to those guys and gals in the fashion "scene" who keep Spokane looking good. It was so much fun to experience an actual photo shoot. If you're a mom, you should get to experience this at least once in your life. But I will WARN YOU: This is harder then it looks. I hate to say it, but....I always thought models just stood there and looked pretty. WRONG. I really thought just anyone could do it. WRONG. I also thought I was in pretty good shape. WRONG. There are muscles that are still sore I didn't even know existed anymore! I still can hardly move from this photo below. AND it was freezing! (I'm wearing two pairs of nylons underneath the knee highs) I think I seriously pulled a muscle and may need a hip replacement. I gave up my chocolate chip cookies for 7 days in preparation. MMMM cookies!

Photo by: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Thomas-Richardson-Images/116021311793439

By Joy Mizzoni
Team Support Specialist at ActionCOACH Spokane

I have strong feelings about the fashion industry, society's standard of beauty and the ceaseless self-deprecation women endure to attain that never attainable pie in the sky called perfection.

Few people know that I am a classically trained ballet dancer. I studied in Saratoga Springs with Madame Phyllis Latin (http://www.americandancecentersaratoga.com). Although these years spent with Madame deserve much more then a brief cameo, I'll save that novella for another day. Point being, I understand perfection. I understand hiding extreme physical pain behind the illusion of graceful fingertips and elongated necks.

I don't care who you are, what you do, or how strong you profess to be both mentally and physically. I DARE you to spend a week with Phylis Latin. Go ahead. I DOUBLE DARE YOU.

They say youth is wasted on the young. How quickly we forget our inner strength and outer beauty. Motherhood, marriage, and mortgages alone are enough to make most women forget the dazzling joys of celebrating our beauty. We are so quick to replace glitter and sparkles with the muted colors of the professional world. When once we admired and emulated the seductive power of beauty, we now judge, disparage and condemn.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing fingers...what happens when you point a finger at someone else? That's right boys and girls...there are those silly three fingers pointing right back at moi'.

Every woman wants to feel beautiful and I suspect most women really do, indeed, care that others think they are beautiful as well; but we limit ourselves. We become too sensible. Suddenly there is an "us" and a "them". We become too short, too old, too chubby, too this and too that. "Someday" and "When I..." have become our mantras.

But what about now?  It's not like you're suddenly going to wake up looking like Giselle. I hate to tell you, tomorrow, and the next day, and, the day after that...you are going to wake up with the same gray hairs, stretch marks, wrinkles, and c-section scars. You're going to look in the same mirror and see the same face.

So what are you going to do with it? Do you intend to keep ignoring  your very own daydreams and fanciful wishes?

There are TWO WORDS that you MUST erase from your vocabulary. Ready? Here it is...

"YEAH BUT..."

Want to kill you dreams?

Want to pass up opportunity after opportunity to have a little fun in your life?

"YEAH BUT" WILL DO IT EVERY TIME!

What I learned from the Cat Test...

As I drove to work this morning, hair dripping wet, reminding myself to put deodorant on at the next stop light I come to, I thought about the Cat Test. 

Last summer, I thought it might be a good idea to adopt a dog.  I visited a local animal shelter and met this giant, brutish pit-bull who seemed to possess the heart of a kitten.  He smiled, drooled, wagged his stub.

When I took him to the play yard he came when I called him. He sat. He won me over. 

I already have a cat named Toad with giant green eyes and a penchant for using inappropriate household items as scratching posts. But he consistently redeems himself by doing literal somersaults.  I’m talking head over tail. You Tube, here we come! 

Needless to say, I would never want to bring home another pet that may try and ingest Toad. Or at the least, do him significant kitty bodily harm. 

Thus, this potential new addition to my home in the form of a jovial, giant bundle of dog had to pass the Cat Test before I could finalize the paperwork. 

So the smiling pit bull and I enter an empty room.  A woman then enters carrying an orange, long-haired cat that resembles a child’s toy thrown in the washer machine one time too many.

The premise of this experiment is to introduce a cat into the room with the dog. If the dog doesn’t try and eat the cat, he passes the Cat Test.

And you thought YOUR JOB SUCKED? 

Life is hard for everyone folks. You, me, the idiot going 55 mph in the fast lane, and yes, this scraggly, slightly senile cat who possibly has been through so many Cat Tests in its poor life it’s ready for a kitty-sized straight jacket. 

The woman explains to me that they use an older cat because they are more patient. 

Um, excuse me, what? 

This woman was an amazing spin doctor! Patient? Patient? Did she just use the word “Patient”?  

Let me translate… they use a cat too old to give a ##$@ anymore.   Talk about apathy on the job!  Let’s ponder for a moment and reminisce about the last time you felt so overworked or unappreciated at your place of employment?    

Life is not fair. Not even for an old cat that has paid his dues tenfold during his nine lives.  Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure was down to the last one or two, from the looks of things. 

This story could be a metaphor for a lot of things, like investing in your retirement, planning for your future, taking steps to ensure you aren’t used as a test cat in your golden years. But the moral of this story is really about how we are all in the same boat.  

We all are trying to get to work, an appointment, a meeting, a school function, the grocery store, etcetera, etcetera, and etcetera.  We all have to deal with grumpy bosses, passive aggressive co-workers and pompous pontification from those who must demonstrate their superiority.  

We all get flat tires, flabby thighs, and the occasional bout of flatulence. 

 

When we are able to see the big picture a little clearer, I know for me, it makes me feel less overwhelmed.  I see the daily trials and tribulations not so detrimental. I feel like I am able to put things into perspective and understand that obstacles to success are not concrete barriers.  They are just the potholes, panhandlers, and perturbances of everyday life.  But in reality, we’re all in this together.  

Try to remember this the next time someone cuts you off in traffic or someone snipes at you; chances are they didn’t feel like getting up and going to work anymore than you did.  They showed up because they had to…just like you…just like me.  

Like I said, life’s a bitch.  

So did the pit-bull pass the Cat Test? 

No.

He did not. 

The woman placed the orange, mangy, kitty on the floor and it nonchalantly walked past the dog. The dog sniffed, wagged said stump; drooled proudly and walked over to me, as if to say, “Look, I passed! I passed! I did it! Bring me home now!” 

I knelt down and complemented him on what a good boy he was, scratched behind his ears, and began making a mental list of neat doggy toys to buy him on the way home. 

And then it happened. 

The cat walked past the dog and he opened his mouth and took a HUGE BITE at the air inches away from the cat. No, he didn’t bite the cat this time.

It was obvious, though, that given enough time alone with a feline, this dog would inevitably give into kitty devouring temptation. 

So in the end, I did not adopt the darling, drooling, stump-wagging, charming canine, but I did learn a valuable lesson from this Cat Test…

It’s called work for a reason.

You have to tell yourself you can do it. Otherwise you won't.

 

By Joy Mizzoni

Team Support Specialist

ActionCOACH Spokane

I took this job for inspiration. I thought working with business coaches would offer me insight into possibilities unimagined. I thought working at the front desk would be invigorating because I would meet, first hand, a different array of clients; and possibly grasp little wisps of inspiration from them as they walk past my desk.

My expectations were reaffirmed today when  I heard myself say to a client, “if there is one thing that I have learned from working here, is that you have to tell yourself you can do it.” 

Do you ever stop and wonder how your actions affect others? Does it seem silly that a 10 minute conversation can mirror so greatly my own dreams and ambitions? 

For the first time in my life, I thought to myself, “if she can do it, maybe I can do it.”  Notice my hesitant “maybe”…I still need an out. I’m not there yet. But it’s a start.

This woman, younger than me, a divorced mother of four and a business owner shared with me that she recently auditioned for a popular band. I graciously listened to the song she recorded and my heart stopped.

Standing before me was someone close to my age, pretty, youthful, business-minded, yet artistically driven sharing with me what may be her next endeavor. 

How many excuses could she have come up with as to why it’s not reasonable to pursue a career in the music industry? 

There are lots of reasons why it’s difficult; but… it could work.

I challenge each of you to start thinking that it could work. Whatever “it” is for you. 

What tiny fragments of your forgotten passions and talents are still breathing despite being smothered with grown-up responsibilities? 

Is it singing? Acting? Painting? Writing? Helping others? You could take a voice lesson. That could work. You could try out for a small part in a local theater production. That could work. 

Forget practical for right now. Forget responsible for right now. Forget should.  Yes, there are a lot of things you should be doing, but what is it you COULD be doing?

You know something? That might just work!

False Expectations Appearing Real: Conquering Fear

By Joy Mizzoni
Team Support Specialist 

ActionCOACH Spokane

If you told me I have two choices: One that will probably end catastrophically in disaster with only a 1% chance of success and the other will most certainly lead to success (but is significantly less risky and exciting) there is a 99.9% chance I will always choose the least-logical option. 

If I bet on horses, I'd pick the long-shot every time.

Why?

If the odds are against you, and you win, you WIN BIG. 

If you fail…then wasn’t that really your expectation in the first place?

It’s a win-win. Even if you lose. 

Except, , this is really called is self-sabotage fueled by fear of the unknown. 

It’s not really fear or success; it’s fear of trying to be successful and failing. 

It’s like walking through the same dark, creature-infested forest searching in circles for a way out; but you know every inch of the forest. You know which shadows are tree branches and which are hungry carnivores. 

It’s familiar. 

But that clearing for which you say you are searching...that is unfamiliar territory!

Sure the sun shines brightly and fragrant flowers abundantly bloom....but...what if.... the sun is too bright...what if... it’s so bright you go blind....what if.. you have an anaphylactic reaction to a bee...what if... something unforeseen is hiding  that is ten times more dangerous than any creature in your familiar forest? 

So you keep walking. In circles. You say you’re searching for a way out, but really, you’re just making excuses. Excuses to stay where you’re comfortable because you’re scared of the unknown. 

So what do you do? 

I don’t know. I have recently just glimpsed the clearing through the trees. I have only considered venturing out into the unknown. But I’m not ready yet. 

Not entirely.

I am just beginning to realize that when opportunities are pounding at my door, I pretend I don’t notice.  I cower like an agoraphobic. And you know what the worst part of it all is? It’s a choice. 

Acquiescing to fear is a choice. That can be a hard pill to swallow because then who is to blame? There is a lot of people we think are to blame, but unfortunately, the only person bearing accountability is ourselves. 

Really think about where you want to go in life. Think about your passions. Think about your talents. Recognize that droning, driveling voice that screams a litany of reasons for self-doubt every time you think about your goals. 

Then take a moment and remind yourself that fear is only false expectations appearing real. 

 

Below are some links to other articles/sites dealing with the concept of fear:

http://www.actioncoach.com/Conquering-Fear?pressid=1191

http://www.webcareergirl.com/fear-false-evidence-appearing-real.html