You Never Because....When there are no excuses left....

Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.
Norman Mailer 


It has been so long since I've made a blog post that I can't even figure out how to change my job title in the admin settings, which leads me to my disclaimer, ahem:

This blog is in no way affiliated with ActionCOACH or ActionCOACH Spokane or any of its subsidiaries, monasteries, or any other word ending in "ies."

I'm only writing this blog post because I ran out of excuses.

Let me explain.

First, let me insert disclaimer number two, ahem:

I'm rusty at writing. My literary tendons are tight.

Moving on.

As I was saying, I'm only writing this because I ran out of excuses. I actually looked my therapist in the eye and said tonight, "I'm too depressed to write."

He countered back with "Ernest Hemingway committed suicide."

Touche'.

Saying I'm too depressed to write is like saying I'm too sad to be a poet or I'm too thin to be a ballerina...or too fat to be a sumo wrestler. You insert your own witty little line. Point being, I have no excuse not to write, even if I don't exactly have a point at the moment.

You could say that I'm writing to hear myself type. (get it? do you?)

This blog started out as a motivational communication tool. Turns out I'm not that motivated and my recent life experiences haven't been all that positive. This last year, my life has felt like a house of cards and all I've been doing is playing 52-card pick up.

I'm at ground zero folks. Time to rebuild.

Time to get inspired. Time to live a little. So, this blog post is me, peeking around the corner from obscurity after a second nervous breakdown. Literary physical therapy. Trying to get back in the game.

This was step one. Stay tuned...

N.I.C.E….Nothing Inside Me Cares Enough To Say Anything….

In an effort to effectively prioritize and produce results, I promised myself that I could work on a blog post only after I had finished some other, less exciting projects. Specifically, I committed to finishing this lengthy PowerPoint presentation today (not due until next week) and the reward for not procrastinating would be, well, this blog post. 

Long story short, I stopped working on the presentation dead in my tracks to write this blog post for you.

But, the redeeming moral of the story, is that, well, this blog post happens to be about the presentation that is sitting half done on my desk this very moment. 

For those of you who read my very first posting (click here…hint hint) the purpose of this bog is to share practical information for improving your life.  I say “life” because although I support “business” coaches — not “life” coaches — business is your life...whether you own a business, dream of starting your own business, or just want to be employee of the month.  And for those of you lucky enough to have a trust fund just spewing money into your bank account, then these tips will help you with your life. 

Most of us want to become better people. Most of us want to make smarter decisions. Most of us want to hear HOW to do this. 

 

See, that’s the thing with most self-help books and good old standbys like Stephen Covey. I have read 7 Habits twice AND listened to the audio CD. Guess what? Win-win my ass.  Sure, theoretically it’s brilliant and it definitely is the bible of popular jargon such as ‘synergy’ and ‘sharpen your saw’ but it never seemed applicable to the mundane, day-to-day experiences that trip us up. 

Remember, it’s the little things that make the difference. It’s the little things you think no one will notice that make or break your goals.

 

I learned a valuable lesson in the military. Yes, your humble writer spent four long, tedious, tumultuous years in the Air Force. Yes, I was a member of PETA and a vegetarian during that time too. Yes, I had a problem with authority. And YES I was honorably discharged.  

In the military, you aren’t allowed to wear dangle earrings and there is a laundry list of other dress-related regulations that seem inconsequential especially when you wake up late. But I swear to you, EVERY TIME I said to myself, ‘ah no one will notice’ someone did; and let me tell you, I mean EVERY TIME! 

Point being, the information I am sharing with you may seem little, trite, trivial, inconsequential. But TRUST ME, it’s the little things that matter. 

 

Which brings me to the concept of not being nice. According to this awesome presentation I am working on for Coach Ted Schmidt, the ActionCOACH Spokane definition of nice is as follows:

N.I.C.E....

• Nothing

• Inside Me

• Cares

• Enough

Think about that. Think about all the times you never spoke up in situations because you didn’t want to offend someone. What where the consequences? How could things have turned out differently if you had held that person accountable for their actions?  

This concept isn’t just about your own fear of the other person’s anger. It’s about the other person too.   It’s about caring enough about the other person to give them the input or information they need to be successful – or to avoid further or future pain.  We don’t typically stand by silently as we watch people we care about sabotage their efforts, or do we?  

It’s just something to think about. 

 

Now, for those of you who read my last blog post (click here..hint hint) about how I recently blurted out something inappropriate to a client (in front of my boss) I am not saying this is an opportunity to start telling people what you really think of them. I’m just suggesting that the concept of N.I.C.E. may be something we should all explore a little further and see if, in fact, because we are too nice, we ourselves are not being accountable. 

I’ll be honest, I am not quite sure how to apply this concept yet since it is fairly new to me. 

But perhaps together we can figure out how we can start caring enough about ourselves and our goals to stop being so N.I.C.E. all the damn time. 

 

 

 

Pause, breathe, think…all with your mouth closed.

I am not one who typically thinks before she speaks. I tend to be a little nervous, slightly shy, yet high strung.  This is a formula for nervously rattling away via impulse to fill awkward silences as opposed to wooing my colleagues and acquaintances with well-articulated thoughtful responses.  I would like to blame these mannerisms on my culture and upbringing. I would like to attribute it to my artistic colorful personality; I am, after all, uniquely me and that hasn’t always been a bad thing. 

I know I talk fast. I get going and I forget to breathe. And then I start talking with my hands.  My arms will never remain completely still during a conversation and I’m not even about to try.  But I am open to learning how to lower my voice, take a deep breath and pause before I say whatever highly inappropriate thing just popped into my rambling, rambunctious brain. 

As they say, there is a time and place for everything and typically, mixed company does not fall into either of those categories. 

For example, last week a gentleman arrived at our office for his weekly career counseling appointment with one of our business coaches. He had spent many years as a corrections officer in a prison and was now searching for his true passion which involved elements of both creative and salutary purpose. While he was waiting to meet with his coach, our conversation went something like this…..

He expressed the satisfaction he receives from helping others. This was one aspect of the prison system he found very rewarding; when an inmate turned their life around. Then he made the comment, “everyone deserves a second chance.”

Now, normally, this is where most people would pause and say something polite reinforcing this sentiment, especially in a professional environment like ActionCOACH Spokane. 

Do you know what comes out of my mouth?

“Yeah, except for sex offenders.”

Hoping to stop the conversation in its tracks I apologized profusely, but it was too late. 

Oh, did I mention that my boss was standing right there this entire time? 

As Coach Jim effortlessly guided the conversation to less-futile territory, I knew there was a lesson to be learned from this; not one completely unfamiliar to me either. 

Pause before you speak. 

As you may have guessed, Friday, in my weekly coaching session “Coach”  kindly provided me with some helpful tips to improve my communication style. 

This was the communication strategy he outlined for yours truly:

Before you open your mouth:

1. Breathe.

2. Pause (count to three silently)

3. Think about the impact of what you said (or did) 72 hours down the road. Do you like it?

   

    

Not bad advice eh?  

Common sense you may say? 

Really?

When’s the last time you said something really stupid in front of YOUR boss?

I thought so.The common theme in my blogs is simplicity doesn’t equate to easy.  Common sense also doesn’t equal “easy”. 

Isn’t it common sense to put down the cupcakes and get to the gym? 

I thought so. 

So before you pick up that cupcake or say something horribly inappropriate to a client, remember it’s as simple as one, two, three. 

Breathe, pause and remember the 72-hour rule; and don’t forget….this philosophy also applies to cupcakes.