What I learned from the Cat Test...

As I drove to work this morning, hair dripping wet, reminding myself to put deodorant on at the next stop light I come to, I thought about the Cat Test. 

Last summer, I thought it might be a good idea to adopt a dog.  I visited a local animal shelter and met this giant, brutish pit-bull who seemed to possess the heart of a kitten.  He smiled, drooled, wagged his stub.

When I took him to the play yard he came when I called him. He sat. He won me over. 

I already have a cat named Toad with giant green eyes and a penchant for using inappropriate household items as scratching posts. But he consistently redeems himself by doing literal somersaults.  I’m talking head over tail. You Tube, here we come! 

Needless to say, I would never want to bring home another pet that may try and ingest Toad. Or at the least, do him significant kitty bodily harm. 

Thus, this potential new addition to my home in the form of a jovial, giant bundle of dog had to pass the Cat Test before I could finalize the paperwork. 

So the smiling pit bull and I enter an empty room.  A woman then enters carrying an orange, long-haired cat that resembles a child’s toy thrown in the washer machine one time too many.

The premise of this experiment is to introduce a cat into the room with the dog. If the dog doesn’t try and eat the cat, he passes the Cat Test.

And you thought YOUR JOB SUCKED? 

Life is hard for everyone folks. You, me, the idiot going 55 mph in the fast lane, and yes, this scraggly, slightly senile cat who possibly has been through so many Cat Tests in its poor life it’s ready for a kitty-sized straight jacket. 

The woman explains to me that they use an older cat because they are more patient. 

Um, excuse me, what? 

This woman was an amazing spin doctor! Patient? Patient? Did she just use the word “Patient”?  

Let me translate… they use a cat too old to give a ##$@ anymore.   Talk about apathy on the job!  Let’s ponder for a moment and reminisce about the last time you felt so overworked or unappreciated at your place of employment?    

Life is not fair. Not even for an old cat that has paid his dues tenfold during his nine lives.  Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure was down to the last one or two, from the looks of things. 

This story could be a metaphor for a lot of things, like investing in your retirement, planning for your future, taking steps to ensure you aren’t used as a test cat in your golden years. But the moral of this story is really about how we are all in the same boat.  

We all are trying to get to work, an appointment, a meeting, a school function, the grocery store, etcetera, etcetera, and etcetera.  We all have to deal with grumpy bosses, passive aggressive co-workers and pompous pontification from those who must demonstrate their superiority.  

We all get flat tires, flabby thighs, and the occasional bout of flatulence. 

 

When we are able to see the big picture a little clearer, I know for me, it makes me feel less overwhelmed.  I see the daily trials and tribulations not so detrimental. I feel like I am able to put things into perspective and understand that obstacles to success are not concrete barriers.  They are just the potholes, panhandlers, and perturbances of everyday life.  But in reality, we’re all in this together.  

Try to remember this the next time someone cuts you off in traffic or someone snipes at you; chances are they didn’t feel like getting up and going to work anymore than you did.  They showed up because they had to…just like you…just like me.  

Like I said, life’s a bitch.  

So did the pit-bull pass the Cat Test? 

No.

He did not. 

The woman placed the orange, mangy, kitty on the floor and it nonchalantly walked past the dog. The dog sniffed, wagged said stump; drooled proudly and walked over to me, as if to say, “Look, I passed! I passed! I did it! Bring me home now!” 

I knelt down and complemented him on what a good boy he was, scratched behind his ears, and began making a mental list of neat doggy toys to buy him on the way home. 

And then it happened. 

The cat walked past the dog and he opened his mouth and took a HUGE BITE at the air inches away from the cat. No, he didn’t bite the cat this time.

It was obvious, though, that given enough time alone with a feline, this dog would inevitably give into kitty devouring temptation. 

So in the end, I did not adopt the darling, drooling, stump-wagging, charming canine, but I did learn a valuable lesson from this Cat Test…

It’s called work for a reason.